How do you see or imagine your baby now that you do not have them with you?
I don't really imagine Luca. I still yearn for him when I see the babies in my life that were born around the same time, but I don't have an image of what he would look like. Many of my friends at church said 'he's in heaven now' as an attempt to take away my sadness. At first this was no comfort at all, but 7 months up the track it is bringing me some comfort to think of him as alive there, and to think that Steve and I created him in love.
How did the loss of your last pregnancy affect your choices/decisions about the birth of your subsequent pregnancy?
My birth plan this time is going to be one word - alive. Sadly I didn't get the treatment I needed last pregnancy even though I had a diagnosed maternal condition. It will probably recur so the consultant I saw after Luca died said if it does I could deliver by caesarian at 33 weeks. Luca died at 35 weeks. Frankly this scares me. And it would be a shame to have a caesarian after two vaginal births, but I will do whatever it takes to get this baby into the world safely. Just as I would have for Luca if only I'd known what lay ahead.
Dear Bec,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for taking part :)
I take comfort that my little guys is healthy and happy in a beautiful place, I remember it not helping when people would say that just after he was born.
I have had a c-section after 2 vaginal births. I understand how you feel but as a person who has done it - it really isn't so bad at all - for me anyway. River came out alive and screaming and in the end thats the only thing that mattered.
I wish you peace and love,
Carly x
I wanted so much to see my son after I lost him- imagine him- but it was so hard- it seemed like as time went by though I began to imagine him more- now five. It's wierd how time can give you some tools to heal your heart- though you aren't fully 'whole' again.
ReplyDeleteWishing you the best in this pregnancy! I had to have c-sections so I don't know what contractions even feel like... but I can tel you that having them planned (my first was an emergency one) was much easier and wasn't so bad.
Hugs-
Laura D.