Get down and boogie

12 May 2009

Managed to BD twice in what I hope was my fertile window. Fertility friend had me ovulating on day 14, not 17 like usual and I didn't really have fertile CM. So I don't hold out much hope, but at the same time I do, because I always to when TTC! It was lovely rediscovering that even conception sex is romantic with Steve.

I thought I might cry (which would be bad really) but I only got a little teary. That was in the ahem afterglow when I was thinking how this baby will be conceived in love. Which made me think about how Luca was conceived in love. Sigh.

Of course now Steve's in the bad books. Eliana and I are both sick and he got home from work last night at 8:30pm. So I had to do the day shift and the evening shift feeling revolting. Took her to the doctor as she said she had a sore ear. Thank goodness I did because she did have an infection. Tried to give her baby Panadol at Bianca's house but she spat it across the room. It was almost an exorcist moment.

I've been scanning old photos in to put on facebook which has been really fun. But now when I look at old photos of Steve and I smiling away, I can't help thinking 'that's before we knew that babies could die'.

I got through mother's day ok. These days ok means my sanity is still barely intact. We had a picnic with extended family and no one mentioned Luca - he's like the elephant in the room now. My sister Sarah (understandably) kept going on about how it was her first mother's day. I just wanted to yell 'well it's my first mother's day without one of my children, how about some special attention for me'. It's when I have thoughts like that I worry that losing Luca will change me for the worse.

Was thinking about my sister when I couldn't sleep last night. Her baby Lachlan is about to turn a year old and I remembered that we started TTC at the same time. Now she has an almost one year old and I have an angel baby and a broken heart.

Here are some nice pics of Eliana and my mum from mother's day.