Meet you at the sunset - January meeting

Better late than never!

The Secret Garden has changed persona to Meet you at the sunset. January's topic for blogging is:
For the first meeting of the month we thought we would speak about the holiday season and how you coped. What was it like for you? Did you do anything special in your child's memory?

I've already written a little about the holiday season here. Looking back it was a time of mixed feelings. Wanting to get caught up in the Christmas spirit but really not able to carry it off. Enjoying Eliana's excitement but with an undercurrent of sadness that I could not shake - nor did I expect to. I found it challenging to acknowledge Luca in public. I just couldn't risk it emotionally. Although I would have loved some support from others it seemed better to keep my thoughts to myself. Safer. We had some memorial candles from the Christmas service at Mercy Grief Services. I took one of them with us on Christmas day but only lit it at the first out of the three places we went that day. We did hang special ornaments on our Christmas tree. Some we'd made at a SANDS Christmas meeting and some we'd made at the Christmas service. That was nice because Eliana, Steve and I all had a chance to make something. Mum gave us a silver heart too. I can't say I was thinking about Luca's first Christmas while I was pregnant with him. He was due in February. But as with all special occasions since he died it seems that the happier I am meant to be, the more I feel his loss.