I have a new bling ring to remember Luca by!!

I've been flat out. I love writing in my blog though so here I am, escaping from logistic regression.

It's the first really warm day of spring here today - 29 degrees. I took my work outside earlier but most of it has to be done on the computer. Still, it's windy outside and the warm breeze is surrounding me (along with all the pieces of paper flying around the house).

My scan went well. The baby is in the right spot and has a heart beat. There wasn't much to see - just a few pixels moving. I was beginning to worry the ultrasonographer was going to say 'I'm sorry, there's nothing there'. I was pleased but no more than that really. It's still early days and I'm hoping my excitement will grow, but perhaps it will be missing for my whole pregnancy. And I didn't fall apart in the ultrasound room. It probably helped that it was in an area of the hospital I've not been in before, so it didn't have that connection to Luca's pregnancy. I got told to say I was there for the viability scan. Honestly, where do they come up with these heartless terms? Senile gravida, products of conception, fetal death in utero, viability.

They asked me if I wanted to come back next week. If you could keep babies alive by having lots of ultrasounds, I would, but you can't so I'm going to wait until 12 weeks. And then until 20 weeks if nothing goes wrong. After that who knows really. Tiger territory my consultant called it. My feet were itching in bed last night. Surely I can't have the cholestasis this early. I'm trying to pretend I didn't notice it at the moment. It will become much more obvious if it really is cholestasis. I spent hours awake last night. Thinking, thinking. Imagining possible conversations and scenarios if this should go wrong, that should go wrong. I should get up if I'm awake for over an hour, but I know that will remind me of nights spent in the lounge room during Luca's pregnancy, when I was itching too much to sleep. It always felt like time spent with him.

Eliana wore undies at childcare on friday and apparently only had one accident! She'll be four soon, so I've been beginning to wonder if it will ever happen. She had two accidents and no successes at home this morning but I don't really mind - she still wanted undies on and was terribly proud of them. Steve didn't want to take her in undies to the footy so we compromised and put her in a pull up. She also had her hair in plaits for the first time today. She's always refused to have her hair tied up but somehow I managed to talk her into it the other day. So a very different look today!

I bought a ring to remember Luca by. I bought it on ebay and I was a bit worried it wouldn't be what I was after, but I absolutely love it, and it fits! His name means light so I've been looking for a citrine. I thought it would look a bit like the sun. Citrine is also meant to have healing properties and is meant to bring happiness, joy and optimism into your life. It is meant to embody sun energy. So, perfect, really. Here it is....

I'm not feeling as tired any more which is great. My belly is growing fast. For 9 weeks it's positively massive. I can't believe people haven't noticed. Or perhaps they have... not many people are game to ask a woman if she's pregnant, and probably less so me! I have the week off work next week to get lots of my thesis done. So I guess I'll tell people at work that I'm pregnant the week after, when I'm in next.

And here's some photos of Eliana in Luca's garden. Well, you can't see much of the garden, but the purple flowers were picked on it. They are in a vase on the kitchen bench now.