The 8th of January 2010 was, in a way, not as bad as the days before it. After all, by the day he was born the tragedy had already happened. The day of his birth I birthed him, held him. Though it was also the day we said goodbye to him. As 7pm came around I reminded Steve that it was about that time last year that we were walking empty handed out of the hospital.
In the morning we bought coffee and cake in Acland Street and had it in the St Kilda Community Vegie Garden which is a lovely spot. My mum and sister joined us. No one talked about Luca, but neither did they say anything hurtful. Mum gave us a cross stitch she'd done for him. In the afternoon at home Steve brought out Luca's photo album and we sat and looked through it together. He always joins me on the couch when he sees me looking through it but I can't recall him getting it out before, so that was really sweet. That evening we went to a friend's house and they cooked dinner for us, prayed with us, gave us flowers, and were just so supportive.
Since then I've been feeling very tired and flat. And anxious about our little girl. Having all my memories of Luca's last days refreshed reminded me that my body kills babies. Still no itching though, and I've made it to the third trimester. I'm even thinking about making a start on the nursery.
I keep meaning to write a poem for Luca but I can't get past the title. Without.
Luca's memorial garden is flourishing
Sunflowers at the St Kilda Community Garden (Luca means light)
Standing in Luca's garden with our baby girl on board.
Eliana holding the balloon from Luca's funeral which we inflated again.
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