Waiting

I'm counting down til my induction day this Friday. And hoping she'll come earlier on her own. I am suddenly amazingly in touch with my body. Where is she lying? Where is she kicking? Was that a contraction? Is there pressure down low? Lots of wishful thinking.

I am strangely calm. After a couple of really panicky days early last week I have been feeling a sense that all is right and all is well.

My ob rang today to say he wont be in the clinic on Wednesday and he will see me on Thursday to assess my preparedness for induction. It will be hard waiting an extra day but the time is passing just as it has over the rest of my pregnancy - slowly but surely. I'm keeping busy clearing out the nursery and had lots of friends over today. Tomorrow I'll go for fetal monitoring which should be reassuring and will give me a chance to ask the midwives if she's engaged at all yet.

Today Steve picked up a 'new' chest of drawers I bought on ebay. They are to put Eliana's clothes in so I can put the baby's clothes in the ones she's using now. I'm looking forward to putting our baby girl's clothes away. To being ready for her. All of a sudden it's so important to show I'm ready to have her in our lives. The hospital bags are packed. Finished in the middle of the night during one of my spurts of wishful thinking making too much of some Braxton Hicks I was having. I was excited when I started having contractions and then relieved that I felt excitement, that birth could still hold excitement for me after having to deliver Luca dead just over a year ago.

I haven't spent a lot of time imagining what it will be like with a new baby and I think I'm in for a shock. But I don't know that I'll care - just give me a live baby and I will love her, cherish her, dote on her in the way that I have Eliana and Luca, and probably more.